Fearless Woman and Empowerment
What makes me feel empowered? A song, activity, or movie? How can I incorporate empowering things into my life?
This question is an interesting one because it started focusing on empowerment when things began to go downhill at my previous employment. I was dealing with discrimination for over a year, and the administration change put a lot of strain throughout the organization. People were leaving left and right, pushed to retire, or replaced. During this time, I also lost Mr. Sully, my heart and soul, and the timing was horrible. I felt defenseless and devastated dealing with work, the change, and losing my sweet boy. I think that time of year was the lowest point of my life. I struggled to get out of that slump, and things kept getting worse after a year passed. I couldn’t think logically or clearly and was not able to deal with my job issues. In December of 2018, I slipped and fell down the stairs. I bruised my left hip, and I was sure it was broken. I had a bruise for almost four months, maybe even longer after that fall. Anyhow, I ended up missing work for about four days because I was unable to walk or sit. I had to sit or lay sideways to keep anything from touching the left side of my hip. To kill off time and get my mind off the pain, I ventured onto Netflix. I came across a series called The Last Kingdom. Immediately I was engulfed in this show. I typically do not care for medieval type movies and surely not one about Vikings. However, this show was exciting, and I was instantly hooked from the start. When the main character Uhtred goes from being a boy to a man, he is in a pond bathing and pops out of the water and oh my. Alexander Dreymon, who plays the adult version of Uhtred, was stunning! Not only was the story satisfying, but he made it so attractive I could not stop watching the series.
Some things about this show and the character Uhtred caught my attention. The character, Uhtred, was a warrior at heart and struggled to get ahead. No matter how hard he tried, the decisions he made, and the paths he chose, it just seems the world was always against him. The character reminded me of my obstacles and life. I get up when I am knocked down and always try to keep going like Uhtred did in the show. No matter how hard things got, you get up and move on. Now Alfred, who was the king of Wessex, frequently took Uhtred for granted, trapping him and using his gifts and talent for his deeds. At one point, Uhtred rebels, and things become complicated between the warrior and king. I was in the same situation at work. I was getting fed up and had been rebelling for almost a year at that point. The more I watched the storyline, the more I realized that my life was similar and facing the same frustration as this character. After completing the three episodes, I needed to be a better warrior. I had failed to stand up for myself. I had allowed people to take me for granted or bring me down. The women in my previous employment made me feel inadequate and worthless. I realized it was time that I stopped allowing others to determine my fate. The problem was, how do I change it? Where do I start? How do I go about it? As for quitting my job, many say it is not the best way to step down from a role, but it was the best for me. If I had stayed, they would have done what Alfred did to Uhtred in the series. There was no victory in the end for me, no matter how well I did my work.
I believe that empowerment can only be achieved if you recognize your weaknesses and areas that need to strengthen your personal growth. Empowerment is the ability to overcome obstacles and still hold your head high no matter how hard the blow was. Empowerment is not allowing others to determine your destiny or fate and to take charge of your self. Empowerment will grow when you grow into a stronger person. This does not mean I have to stay and fight. However, I left that job years ago when the discrimination first started. I should have said something and sought guidance and help from the right people rather than venting because I had no other options. Empowerment is investing in your happiness, success, and seeking the tools to help you grow. Uhtred from the Last Kingdom was a bit childish and impulsive. I do not fall under those characteristics; however, I did not handle my issues correctly. This series is good entertainment and something I needed to see to wake me up from my trance.
I am currently working on finding ways to incorporate empowerment in my life daily. This blog is a few steps I am taking to relieve some of my burden and frustration to heal and reflect on where I have been and where I am now. I also find it helpful to say things I have been hiding and keeping to myself for many years. I have spoken of mistreatment to a few people close to me, but the reality is I ignored dealing with my fears, anger, resentments, and frustration of how I have been treated. This is a good step, and it feels good just getting those words out. I hope if anyone else struggles with similar issues, they can learn a few things from me and hope they can find a way to get out of their trance.